Dixie:
"Brisco, put me down!"
Brisco:
"All right, you look bad in a wig and you were too easy to find."
Brisco:
"You wouldn't be dumb enough to shoot me with all those soldiers out there, would you Bill?"
Phil Swill:
"I'm Phil. He's Bill. And I just might be dumber than you think."
Brisco:
"Yeah, but a convention isn't a bad idea. You just need the right group of people."
Brisco, Lord Bowler, and Socrates (simultaneously):
"Dentists!"
Olaf Brackman:
"Where are you from, Utah Johnny Montana?"
Johnny's Assistant:
"He's from Idaho!"
Bowler:
"It's gonna take more than one well-intentioned ex-lawyer to round up Blackbeard LaCutte and his gang."
Brisco:
"You wouldn't be offering to help, would ya?"
Bowler:
"Maybe. You offering me a reward?"
Brisco:
"I'm not in this for the money, Bowler."
Bowler:
"Then we got a deal."
Bowler:
"Give it up Brisco. Nobody gets out of quicksand."
Brisco:
"What makes you so sure?"
Bowler:
"You know anybody who fell into quicksand?"
Brisco:
"No."
Bowler:
"Need I say more?"
Brisco:
"How's it going, Hatchet? Miss me?"
Hatchet:
"By a couple of inches..."
Brisco:
"Okay, Bowler. Attack! Attack! Attack!
(Bowler starts losing quickly)"
Brisco:
"Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!"
Socrates Poole:
"I think we need a new strategy."
Iphigenia Poole:
"Shouldn't we be doing something?"
Brisco:
"Randolph's gonna be 50 feet down. What do you want me to do, go out there, and wrestle him in some underwater life and death struggle? Me desperate for air and him behind glass - smiling in an oxygen-rich environment? No thanks! I'll wait until they get back on shore; then I'll get Randolph and the plates."
Iphigenia Poole:
"...seems sort of anti-climactic..."
Ellie:
"Nice form.
(After Brisco tosses darts at a target)"
Brisco:
"Ah, throwing darts is easy."
Ellie:
"Who said anything about darts?"
Bowler:
"Help, Brisco, I can't swim!"
Brisco:
"Try standin' up!"
Bowler:
"What happened to Grave's End? Who put a dang lake here?"
Brisco:
"Dam."
Bowler:
"All right, damn lake."
Professor Albert Wickwire:
"This is a momentous day, gentlemen - I've never field-tested this before."
Pete:
"What?"
Professor Albert Wickwire:
"Nope! Never deeper than a water trough. That plumb line we dropped over showed over 60 feet of water. That's two atmospheres of pressure. This should be very interesting."
Jack:
"(who can't hear anything) What's he saying?"
Pete:
"(smiling) He thinks you're gonna drown!"
Brisco:
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Pete; weren't you killed in a gunfight?"
Pete:
"I was only gut shot. I healed. I'm stronger now with less appetite."
Professor Albert Wickwire:
"Now that seemed to work quite well."
Brisco:
"Yeah, but there's still two of them out there."
Professor Albert Wickwire:
"I'm thinking of something that could be quite effective. I need some fishing line, coat hanger, soap, and some cheese."
Brisco:
"Cheese?"
Professor Albert Wickwire:
"I'm hungry."
Professor Coles:
"That's a completely fictitious title, I presume?"
Lord Bowler:
"No--I just made it up"
Bowler:
"Maybe you got a little more respect for ol' Lord Bowler now."
Brisco:
"Well, certainly among all the active bounty hunters out there, you're the best singer."
Bowler:
"That's true."
Dixie:
"Look, I want no part of this. I'm not against parenthood as an institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."
Lee Pow:
"Ah, Brisco County, Jr. and Lord Bowler. Have a cookie. They're stale, but the fortunes are still fresh... Do not be dismayed so quickly. Let me teach you an old Chinese trick. Add the the words 'between the sheets' to your fortune. It enhances it greatly."
Bowler:
"Things are looking up... hehhehhehheh"
Brisco:
"Gor dae dao chai bing pa-tai. Uh, tai ah dingading bao."
Bowler:
"Where'd you learn that?"
Brisco:
"Harvard. Chinese 101."
Bowler:
"Yeah, well they ain't answering you. You sure it wasn't Japanese 101?"
Brisco:
"(shrugs) Might have been..."
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