Spies Like Us
Release: December 06, 1985

Two totally incompetent applicants, Emmett Fitzhume and Austin Millbarge, are chosen from a CIA recruitment program. They are parachuted into Pakistan and eventually end up in Afghanistan, chased by the Russians, where they learn they are being used as decoys to draw out the Sovet defenses. Two real spies are sent in. Their mission is to Hijack a soviet Missile launcher, launch the Soviet missile and test the new US orbital defence laser. The missile is fired and while heading for an American City, the laser system misses it's target. The contingency plan for this scenario, as set out by the Pentagon Nuts who planned it from deep within a secret underground bunker, is to let the 3rd World War happen anyway.

Trailers
Posters
Quotes
Russian Interregator #2: "Every minute you don't tell us why you are here: I cut off a finger." "Yours."
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "Mine or yours?" "Damn!"
Added By: STHerbs97
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "My objective? Well: I object to taking a girl out; you know; and buying her dinner and then she won't put out for you."
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Austin Millbarge: "[listening to faint music] It's... 'Soul Finger', by the Bar-Kays."
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "They must be havin' a hard time getting gigs."
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Austin Millbarge: "for once: I'm completely in agreement with my partner; I'm not going down there. Do you know what those things can do? Suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange afro."
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Austin Millbarge: "Hard to believe its been only 15 minutes since I destroyed the world. In another 15 minutes: it'll all be over; Such a short time to destroy a world. And to think my high school guidance counselor said I'd never amount to anything."
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General Sline: "when we commissioned the Schmectel Corporation to research this precise event sequence scenario, it was determined that the continual stockpiling and development of our nuclear arsenal was becoming self-defeating. A weapon unused is a useless weapon."
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Emmett Fitz-Hume: "[there is a war cry in the distance] Was that me?"
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Emmett Fitz-Hume: "What's she saying?" "Jesus; where did you learn your Russian; JCPenney?"
Austin Millbarge: " H- Hair... Hairbrush... Headrest..."
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Austin Millbarge: "[surrounded by Ninja warriors] for God's sake: Show some balls!"
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "I think it's too late to try and impress them."
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Austin Millbarge: "They do seem to be headed in that general direction. Maybe your dick's not so dumb."
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "It got me through high school."
Added By: STHerbs97
Emmett Fitz-Hume: "are there any Paraguayans here? [subtle laugh] Well, of course; their requests for subsidies was not Paraguayan in and of it is as it were the United States government would never have if the president; our president; had not and as far as I know that's the way it will always be. Is that clear?"
Added By: STHerbs97
Ace Tomato Agent: "won't you gentlemen have a Pepsi?"
Added By: STHerbs97
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