Madea:
"Pull over, Joe, you're driving too damn fast!"
Brian:
"Look, let me read it, here. It says "In 1976, crime scene investigators were baffled by the murders at Lake Derrick. Authorities believe that the two men died in the vast wilderness surrounding the lake, but locals in the small town, they take another view. "I believe they're still up there," says Ray Jones. The Connor brothers, Jimmy Wayne Connor, and Bobby Joe Connor, were never apprehended.""
Johnathan:
"You're the reason we can't have a Halloween party here anymore."
Tiffany:
"Why not? Because of me?"
Dino:
"No, 'cuz of global warming, YES because of you"
Gabriella:
"Touch me, and you'll be dead before Derrick gets here."
Madea:
"Joe, why you got to drive my car so hard?"
Joe:
"Cuz that's what I do with a car, and a woman, and a ho, you got to drive it HAAAAARRRD!"
Joe:
"Damn, I didn't expect to see him for a long time."
Gabriella:
"I'm not doing shots. I'm a Christian."
Dino:
"Yeah well Jesus, He turned the water into wine."
Gabriella:
"Don't you *dare* bring Jesus into this."
Aunt Bam:
"Mabel, I got to tink, I need to tinkle, I need to teet-teet... Mabel, I gotta pee!"
Madea:
"Bam, tinkling is for little people. Pissing is for big ass people like us!"
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