Miss Finster:
"Hey teacher, leave them kids alone!"
Gus:
"Ninjas. Why'd it have to be ninjas?"
Miss Finster:
"What the J. P. Morgan is going on around here?"
Mr. Detwiler:
"T.J, did you run into the sliding glass door again?"
T.J.:
"Urg!"
Mr. Detwiler:
"Come back, your mom's gonna wanna take your temperature!"
T.J.:
"There's guys at the school! They're doing some kind of evil experiment!"
Mrs. Detwiler:
"That bonk on the head must have rattled your little brain!"
T.J.:
"But mom!"
Mrs. Detwiler:
"You're feverish! You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the petroleum jelly!"
Miss Finster:
"I'm stuck! Curse these bodacious hips of mine!"
Vince:
"[Whilst looking out a telescope from the treehouse] Infrared night vision, 200-to-1 zoom. I gotta hand it to you, Gretch. You can see the whole school with this thing."
Gretchen:
"You can make lots of handy devices out of the spare parts in a family's garage. I once fashioned a particle accelerator out of a broken hair dryer. and a four-slice toaster oven."
Gretchen:
"Excuse me, but aren't supposed to eat dinner before dessert? [pauses; then TJ, Vince, Spinelli, Mikey, and Gus laughs]"
Ashley:
"Good one, Gretch."
TJ:
"Mom! Mom!"
Mrs. Detweiler:
"TJ are you all right?"
TJ:
"Mom those guys at the school are doing some kind of evil experience!"
Mrs. Detweiler:
"Oh dear that bog on the head must of rattled your little brain!"
TJ:
"But mom..."
Mrs. Detweiler:
"You're feverish. You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the jelly."
Captain Brad:
"You are a pathetic excuse for a soldier, Griswald! You will never be a leader! Now, stand at attention until I return and do not move a muscle! Do you hear me? NOT A MUSCLE! [He walks away from Gus]"
Gus:
"[after Vince, Ashley, Gretchen, Mikey and the gang are about to leave for the school bus] Well, Teej? There's my transport. [to TJ] Hey, why don't you come with? Military camp's gonna be a blast!"
Captain Brad:
"Griswald, you maggot! Get your fanny over here, NOW!"
TJ:
"Eh. Thanks, Gus. But, I think I'll stick it out at home this summer."
Gus:
"Okay. But, you don't know what you're missing. [He runs to him] Hi, Captain Brad."
Captain Brad:
"I don't like you, Griswald! I am not your friend! Do I make myself clear?"
Gus:
"Yes, sir! Not looking for friendship, sir!"
TJ:
"Good luck, Gus. You're gonna need it. [Gus gets on the bus, waving goodbye to him and Captain Brad nabs him] Man, this summer's gonna whomp."
Mikey Blumberg:
"[while the gang is spying on Benedict] Uh, TJ? I got that feeling, again..."
TJ:
"Suck it in, big guy! [Mikey lets out a loud belch that echoes through the school]"
Benedict:
"...Somebody better say "Excuse me.""
Benedict:
"[in 1968] Pull up a bag, bro, I wanna rap."
Principal Prickly:
"Lay it on me, man."
Benedict:
"You see, Pete, I've been thinking, we're a new generation of teachers, right? It's time we shook things up a little."
Principal Prickly:
"I hear you brother, in fact, dig this. I was meditating to that new Ravi Shankar album last night when I got this righteous notion. WHat if we hold all our classes outside on the playground? Imagine, school, recess, no boundaries."
Benedict:
"Hey baby that's a hip idea but Pete I got a better thought here. As my first official act as principal, I've decided to get rid of recess."
Principal Prickly:
"What? No recess? But Phil! For a kid, recess is like a major play-in, it's the one time of day they have any freedom."
Newscaster:
"In other news, the national No Recess movement has hit a serious stumbling block with the disappearance of its leader, former Secretary of State, Philliam Benedict. Benedict, who was fired by the president 2 years ago for his extremist views, has recently been..."
Mr. Detweiler:
"[shuts off TV] No recess? What a bunch of hogwash!"
Benedict:
"It started at 3rd street, it will END at 3rd street."
TJ:
"What am I gonna do? Play baseball by myself? Watch reruns? Read?"
Benedict:
"[Flashback to 1968] Be cool, people. Be cool."
Female Protester:
"We'll be cool when you give our kids their recess back!"
Benedict:
"Hey, baby, I can do what I want! I'm the Principal of the school! And there's nothing anybody can do about it! Dig?"
Benedict:
"Oh, come now, Pete. There's no need to be rude. Not after I've instructed my men to provide you with special care."
Principal Prickly:
"Special care? That's what you call gagging me, tying me up, and taking away my pants?"
Benedict:
"Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children."
TJ:
"[to Prickly] You?"
Ashley:
"Hey, remember that summer after the second grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?"
Gretchen:
"Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilson's backyard?"
Vince:
"And Spinelli spelled her's wrong."
Ashley:
"Hey, I was seven. And "S's" are tricky. [Gus begins sobbing] What's your problem? This is the first summer you've lived here."
Gus:
"I know, and I'll never have any of those memories."
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