Knight:
"Catnip."
Puss:
"That's uh, not mine."
Knight:
"We've got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup."
Page(s):
"[Shrek reads Princess Fiona's illustrated "my Dairy" at night] Dear Diary, Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset."
"(Dear Diary,) Dad says I'm going away for a while, must be some finishing school or something."
"(Dear Diary,) Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family!"
Page(s):
"(and people across the land will cheer!) and we'll all live happily ever after!"
"Mrs. Fiona Charming."
"[Curiously, Shrek turns the next page, and another, until rapidly turning more pages with the same name. A knock of the door interrupts Shrek and puts the diary down]"
Shrek:
"[the "Knights" has just captured Human Shrek, Stallion Donkey and Puss in Boots, as they were thrown to the carriage to prison] Hold on. [to Pinocchio and Fairy Tale characters from his home swamp] Find Princess Fiona!"
Donkey:
"I'm a donkey!"
Shrek:
"[referring to Prince Charming dances with Fiona at the Far Far Away Royal Ball tonight] Tell her, Shrek… [carriage doors closes] I'm her husband, Shrek! [Knight uses pepper grinder on him] Ow, ow! [Promo ends]"
Gingerbread Man:
"[drops his buffalo wing] Quick! Rewind it! [Pinocchio rewinds the promo on the Magic Mirror to the moment before the carriage door closes]"
Shrek:
"Shrek… [carriage doors closes] I'm her husband, Shrek! [Knight uses pepper grinder on him] Ow, ow! [Pinocchio freezes the promo on him. He and the others were shocked as his escape plan emerges]"
Doris:
"[to Stallion Donkey] Hey. Why the long face?"
Shrek (Human):
"It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place."
Puss in Boots:
"[takes a sip of his milk] I hate Mondays."
Donkey:
"I can't believe you'd gonna just walk away from the best thing that happened to you."
Shrek:
"What choice do I have? She loves that… pretty boy, Prince Charming."
Donkey:
"Ah, come on now. Is he really that good-looking?"
Doris:
"Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels."
Puss:
"Oh. He sounds dreamy."
Shrek:
"You know,… shockingly,… this isn't making me feel any better. [sighs] Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom & Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. [sips his drink]"
Donkey:
"Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona."
Shrek:
"Aye.… And that's why I have to let her go."
Shrek:
"How do you feel?"
Donkey:
"I don't feel any different. Do I look any different?"
Puss:
"You still look like an ass to me."
Donkey:
"That's real smooth, Shrek! "I am an ogre! Arrgh!""
Donkey:
"(pops, then sneaks up between Shrek and Fiona, pops again)"
Shrek:
"AAAH! ARE WE THERE YET?!"
Fiona:
"Yes!"
Donkey:
"Oh, finally!"
Queen:
"[Shrek & the King pulls off the broiled hog sending it to the air] Harold!"
Fiona:
"Shrek!"
Shrek:
"Fiona!"
King:
"Fiona!"
Fiona:
"Mom!"
Queen:
"Harold!"
Donkey:
"Donkey! [The hog lands on the table as everyone shocked. Now, the welcome dinner didn't do well for Fiona]"
Donkey:
"What about my Miranda rights?! You're supposed to tell me I have the right to remain silent! No one ever said I have the right to remain silent!"
Shrek:
"Donkey! You have the right to remain silent! What you lack is the capacity!"
Donkey:
"Are we there yet?"
Shrek:
"Yes."
Donkey:
"Really?"
Shrek:
"NO!!!"
Donkey:
"Shrek & Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!
♪Ain't no stoppin' us now. Whoo!
We're on the move♪"
Shrek:
"Do you still know the Muffin Man?"
Gingy:
"Sure, he lives on Drury Lane."
Shrek:
"Quick-tell a lie!"
Pinocchio:
"What should I say?"
Donkey:
"Say something crazy like "I'm wearing lady's underwear.""
Pinocchio:
"I'm wearing ladies underwear.(nose does not grow)"
Shrek:
"Are you?"
Pinocchio:
"I most certainly am not!(nose grows)"
Donkey:
"Looks like you most certainly am are!"
Donkey:
"I say we take his sword and neuter him right here! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!"
Puss in Boots:
"stop, ogre! i have misjudged you"
Donkey:
"I'm sorry but the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken!"
Shrek:
"The Land of Far, Far Away, donkey? That's where we're going! Far...FAR...(whispers)away."
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