Jesus:
"My child, during this time of great adversity, I want you to do one thing: get jiggy with it."
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"There was only one way I'd ever get what I wanted. I would have to become exactly like those people l saw getting kissed in the movies. I would have to become: a superstar."
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"Please God, forgive me for not telling Slater that I went to the bathroom in the pool tonight."
Jesus:
"The Lord God is materializing in a highway to guide you to her."
Grandma:
"Just when it looked like your parents would be triumphant again, the unthinkable happened! Fat Teddy McGinty's belly struck the record player, accidentally turning up the speed. And the stepdancers began stepping quicker and quicker, trying to keep up. And that's when your mother fell, and she took your dad down with her. And before the dancers could stop themselves, they stomped your parents to death!"
Father Ritley:
"Body of Christ."
Evian Graham:
"Are these non-fat?"
Helen Lewengrub:
"You know what it's time for... Supermodel documentary hour!"
Grandma:
"Mary Katherine, what are you doing?"
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"I'm using my telekineses to kill the girl who poured pig's blood on me at the prom."
Helen Lewengrub:
"Remember, he said you have nice moves. That means he was looking at your body, which means he thinks you're doable. So basically, he asked you to sleep with him."
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"Oh my goodness, this relationship is moving too fast."
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"Well, you should be embarrassed because your parents named you after bottled water!"
Mary Katherine Gallagher:
"These are my BREASTS. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one 'cause is the mommy and that's the baby. And this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're FRIENDS!"
Father Ritley:
"You must resist, children. Resist the urge that lingers in your loins. But as the saying goes, 'Girls have a button and boys have a pole, and wicked touching takes its toll.' "
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