Fred:
"Can I get a little clarification, here? Is this what the Easter Bunny does now? He just goes house to house, messing up people's lives?"
Fred:
"Dad, when I was a kid, you said when I grew up I was going to do something great."
Henry:
"Yes. But now I'm telling you that you should forget about great and settle for getting any job."
Fred:
"Mom, Dad, I'm trying, okay? I go on job interviews. I had one today!"
Henry:
"Yes, but it wasn't what you were looking for. It's always something. You didn't like the commute. The parking lot was too far away from the building. The man in the cubicle next to you smells!"
Bonnie:
"Dear Fred, as your mother, I have always loved you, and it hurts me to have to tell you in this way, but there comes a time when every young man must grow up and leave the nest."
Fred:
"You all prepared statements?"
Henry:
"Fred, we're just doing this because we love you, son."
Bonnie:
"The Sadeki family down the street went through the same thing with their son Jordy. He just laid on the couch all day watching court shows, but then they had an intervention, and now he works in a pharmacy and has an apartment."
E.B.:
"Fred, I was wondering if... Are you doing anything tomorrow?"
Fred:
"Oh. Tomorrow I get start my new job at the video game company. Wait a second. No, that didn't work out."
E.B.:
"I know. I know. I'm sorry about that. But do you know what? Every cloud has a silver lining. And behold this silver lining, Fred!"
Voice at Playboy Mansion:
"Who's there? Is this the same guy? Don't make me come down there."
E.B.:
"What'd she say? Was it about me?"
Fred:
"She thinks Easter is cool. Talking rabbits freaks her out."
E.B.:
"You speak Chinese? Just when I think I can't love you any more..."
Young E.B.:
"Look at all that candy."
Mrs. Beck:
"You're writing a novel? What's that about?"
Fred:
" It's, ah, it's about a crippled soldier, who in the future goes to another planet, and becomes one of the indigenous people who, ah, are blue, and live in a forest."
Mrs. Beck:
"That's not 'Avatar?'"
E.B.:
"Hey, wait. You're not surprised I'm a talking rabbit."
Hasselhoff:
"Little man, my best friend is a talking car."
E.B.:
"Maybe this is a good thing. All great artists suffer before they become famous. That lady wrote "Harry Potter" in a ditch. But it's the hunger, the loneliness and exhaustion that gets you really. Oh. How could this night get any worse? (car drives in front of him) Oh, I see. Car accident. Thank you."
E.B.:
"Fred, I think you and I got off on the wrong foot. You said some things, I flooded some things. Let's start over, okay?"
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