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I like school. It's just too bad classes get in the way
-Zack A building with two Beldings and one of whom is balding
-Screech There's no Time! There's never any time! There's no time to study...
-Jessie we all put our pants on one leg at a time
-Zach "Hey Hey Hey, What is going on here!??!" -Mr.Belding I'm So Excited, I'm so excited, I'm so......Scared - Jessie (Hooked On Speed) Zack: How does it feel to be the most hated man in school?
Coach Sonski: I don't care. I have pets who like me.
Jessie: They are probably pigs. Slater: I was just helping out a fellow teammate.
Jessie: When was the last time you held Rodreguez like that?
Slater: Why would I want a girl like Kristy when I can have a nutcase like you?
Jessie: Don't flatter yourself. (As Slater leaves) Men.
Slater: Chicks. Screech: "Why Lisa? Why did you have to steal my dream? I hate you!" *rips off Zack's shirt* "Kristi, can I have the candle?"
"Oh, sure. Do you want to lick the icing?"
"No, I love to chew wax."
- Screech and Kristi in Hold Me Tight "Here's something I learned in French class - Au revoir, creep!"
- Lisa in Date Auction "In one word, would I do dope? Nope."
- Zack in No Hope With Dope "If any one of you sweeties dares bid on my Slater, I'm gonna hunt you down in the streets like a rabid dog!"
- Jessie in Date Auction "All right, concentrate Slater, CONCENTRATE! How can I concentrate? I'm starving! I only had four Twinkies and a box of Ding-Dongs for breakfast!"
- Slater in S.A.T.'s "Quiet, little weird man!"
- Jessie in Pipe Dreams "Men are such fools! I hope I never become one!"
- Screech in Fake I.D.'s "Why be a teacher when you can be a principal? It's the easiest job around, you don't do anything, ask Belding."
- Zack in Student Teacher Week "You're bats, Screech! The Attic is an over 18 dance club, and Zack's only 16."
"That may be true today, Slater, but by tomorrow night, we'll all be 18."
"Oh no, Mom said I had to move out at 18! I gotta go look for a place!"
- Slater, Zack, and Screech in Fake I.D.'s "Jessie, let's go to the Lost and Found."
"Why?"
"Because you've lost it."
- Kelly and Jessie in The Wicked Stepbrother "Wait a minute, you have to be eighteen to get into the Attic."
"Not true! You could be fifty-four!"
- Lisa and Screech in Fake I.D.'s "Wow, Jessie! You look great."
"What I look like is not as important as who I am, Bubba."
- Slater and Jessie in Breaking Up Is Hard To Undo "Two Belding's in one building, one of whom is balding!"
- Screech in The Fabulous Belding Boys "I'M SO EXCITED! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm so scared."
- Jessie in Jessie's Song "You violated our privacy! That is wrong! Isn't it, Slater?!"
"Uhhh...yeah, Preppie, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! I'm disgusted! Next time, bring me."
- Jessie and Slater in Jessie's Song "These pills are dangerous!"
"Yeah, so's geometry."
- Slater and Jessie in Jessie's Song "I could charge lonely girls to watch me flex my muscles."
- Slater in Rent-A-Pop "Wow, my first Hollywood party. I wonder if the Simpsons are gonna be there."
- Screech in No Hope With Dope "I kicked the TV and sprained my ankle."
"Why?"
"I was watching the new Revlon commercial, and they discontinued my nail polish."
- Lisa and Jessie in Save the Max "Screech even sold his body to science."
"Yeah, they gave him twenty dollars to take it back."
- Zack and Jessie in The Lisa Card "Preppy, is that you? NICE legs"
- Slater in Screech's Woman "What's happening here, Screech? Nobody wants me around anymore."
"Can you blame them, Brillo head?"
- Slater and Screech in Aloha Slater "Third place, wow! I once finished fifth in an ALF look-a-like contest."
- Screech in Aloha Slater "Screech you can't elope!"
"Who are you calling canteloupe you melon head?"
- Mr. Belding and Screech in The Beauty and the Screech "Okay, so when do we start?"
"Well, tonight, but it has to be at my place. I'm not allowed out after ALF."
- Kelly and Screech in The Beauty and the Screech "Slater, haven't you heard of the Women's Movement?"
"Sure. Put on something cute and MOVE it into the kitchen."
- Jessie and Slater in The Mamas and the Papas "Lisa no en casa."
"I love it when you speak German!"
- Lisa and Screech in The Mamas and the Papas "I'm interested in the student body."
"I'm interested in a student body...hers[Kelly's]."
- Jessie and Zack in The Election "Every time I call her she's washing her hair! Who washes their hair six times a day?"
"You do!"
- Zack and Slater in The Prom "15 seconds? I can't even get to the bottom of my purse in 15 seconds!"
- Lisa in Zack's War "You know what they say, big muscles, small brains."
- Jessie in Rent-A-Pop "I have so much food in me, you could put a quarter in my mouth and a bag of Doritos would come popping out."
- Lisa in The Gift "Young lady, the Men's Room is one of the few doors that education should NOT open for you!"
- Mr. Belding in Screech's Woman "The three worst things that can happen to a kid are measles, mumps, and midterms."
- Zack in The Gift "Me? Run? That's like asking Rosanne Barr to skip a meal."
- Zack in The Election "If you don't get rid of Linda, I'm gonna throw her out the winda."
- Lisa in Rockumentary "We're the perfect team - she works hard, I hardly work!"
- Zack in Love Machine "Call me Air Zack."
"Air Nerd is more like it."
- Screech and Slater in Operation Zack "Hey, and you could help me be an Indian."
"How?"
"That's a good start."
- Zack and Screech in Running Zack "We were discussing the obvious benefits of a female president. She's long overdue."
"Yup, just like a woman - always late."
- Jessie and Zack in Cut Day "We can all learn from the mistakes of Jessie's forefathers."
"Jessie has four fathers?"
- Miss Wentworth and Screech in Running Zack "There's no Time! There's never any time! There's no time to study..."
- Jessie in Jessie's Song "He became a conductor on the Underground Railroad."
"They had subways during the Civil War?"
- Lisa and Screech in Running Zack "Well, Screech, maybe you're pregnant."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, Lisa. I'm not even married!"
- Lisa and Screech in Earthquake "I can't stand by that backdrop. It clashes with my outfit!"
- Lisa in The Video Yearbook "Doesn't anyone read anymore?"
- Mr. Belding in The Video Yearbook "I'm dead. Jessie's gonna rip my eyes out, punch my face in and then break up with me. It's her usual pattern."
- Slater in Love Machine "Zack's idea of a good education is sitting between a pretty girl and a smart nerd."
- Jessie in Student Teacher Week Zach:(leading a protest) "2, 4, 6, 8,....um...9..10..11,12!" Zack: Maybe we could sell Screech to Exxon.
Slater: Nah, they'd never buy a geek that doesn't squeak.
Jessie: Do you realize we haven't argued for 15 seconds?
Slater: It was 20, shut up. Mr. Belding: Zack, I am not a matador so take the bull outside Zack: Mr. Belding... quick, you gotta help me. My life is being threatened by one of your students.
Mr. Belding: Just one? You're losing your touch. Screech: Forget going to the prom. We're through.
Lisa: Wait a minute. You're not supposed to dump me. I'M supposed to dump YOU. Screech: Hey, ya know what, Slater? With this microscope, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rain Forest.
Slater: If you don't get that thing out of my face, I'm gonna have the Natives come out and eat you. Jessie: Your understanding of politics is limited to who won the election on 'Sesame Street' Kelly: Who are you?
Screech: Oh, I'm, uh, I'm- Sinead O'Connor.
Kelly: That's a very famous name. You have a hit song in the charts, you know...?
Screech: Oh, uh, that's the other O'Connor. She's my niece. She learned from me.
Lisa: You taught her everything she knows?
Screech: Oh, that I did. Now she can clean toilets with the best of 'em Mr. Belding: Screech, you can't elope.
Screech: Who're you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head? Mr. Belding: Zack, just because you always park your car in that same spot, does not mean it's official.
Zack: Then make it official, just like my seat in detention. Slater: What, no rose for me, preppie? And I thought we were real close.
Zack: Slater, face it. It's over Slater: Wow, Lisa, I just saw you on US Gladiators. Wow, you beat up everybody, including the audience.
Lisa: Nobody messes with Lethal Lisa.
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