Stewie:
"Brian, either you cooperate with me or I blow my Adam Levine dog whistle!"
Adam Levine:
"(cut to him on a white background) Hey, my voice isn't that high."
Stewie:
"It is. It is, though."
Brian Griffin:
"You shot me in both my knees, the lit me on fire; piss off!"
Peter:
"This is the worst thing that's happened to this town since that roving gang of Tom Brokaws!"
Tom Brokaw:
"(cut to Peter seeing a gang of him) Looks like someone's a little lost."
Fozzie Bear:
"(deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?"
Peter:
"Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!"
Lois:
"Peter, that says "Audit"."
Peter:
"Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent."
Joe:
"Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them."
Adam West:
"Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We."
Peter:
"Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo"."
Brian:
"Peter, those are Cheerios."
Dan Rather:
"Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather."
Lois:
"Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?"
Peter:
"Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend."
Peter:
"Is that really the blood of Christ?"
Priest:
"Yes."
Peter:
"Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!"
Lieutenant:
"Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!"
Brian:
"Iraq?!"
Stewie:
"Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc."
Meg:
"Chris, look what you did!"
Chris:
"You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike."
Meg:
"This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better."
Peter:
"See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action."
Stewie:
"Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)"
Meg:
"Drive."
Brian:
"Any particular direction?"
Meg:
"That way!"
Mort:
"Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?"
Stewie:
"You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!"
Lois:
"Peter, why are we stopped?"
Peter:
"Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers..."
Lois:
"Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!"
Peter:
"Oh that's right...and a kid's meal..."
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